Now I know as soon as you read the title you thought I was going to rant about how men ain’t shit, they’re all the same, and how there’s no good ones left… but that’s so played! You will not see any bitterness on this blog, because bitter comes from those who refuse to be better, boom. Nor am I here to point fingers or place blame, but to help the women (and men) who have a hard time letting go of the fuckboi (fuckgirl) remains.
Let’s assume you’ve woken up and realized that the situations you’re in are the ones you choose, and you want to learn how to make better decisions moving forward. Because lets face it, fuckbois don’t just appear, we attract them; and they don’t choose to stay, au contraire, these are most likely the ones we did everything to convince to stay. No I’m not saying we ONLY attract a certain type of person (just look in your friend zone) but there’s something wrong when we keep dating the same type of person. How do you end up years later at the same conclusion with someone reminiscent of an ex, or feel used and unloved time and time again. How many times must someone go through the same experience? Answer: until they’ve learned their lesson.
With that being said, can we agree to say that most people date at their level of self esteem? Yes, we tend to model what we have seen in other people’s relationships or have no other expectations of how we should be treated, but after a while it’s our choice (or most likely an ignored cry for healing and change.) Sometimes we just don’t want what’s good for us because we don’t believe we deserve it. Or we don’t love ourselves to know or show how we need to be treated. But if it’s our choice to date shitty people then it’s also choice to date great people.
This is where we must make the conscious effort to stop being “powerless” and step into our rightful purposeful lives (please refer to 100 Days of Self Love .) After you’ve done that (remember healing is a lifestyle so you’re never truly done) and you realize that you’re the only one standing in the way of a loving respectful relationship, now we may talk about how to appreciate great people.
This is called Post Fuckboi Therapy because the same way we heal by releasing negativity and changing our behavior, is how we heal from our past situationships too. You may not move forward carrying the baggage from the past, or expect the same treatment from every man you encounter. I’m sure you’ve heard this before (Bag Lady much?) but the beauty now is hopefully you’re more aware and will notice and rectify your issues sooner.
Understand that attracting better takes practice because you have to become what you seek. Better yet, you have to be the compliment to what you seek and be the best version of yourself. The problem is many of us were the best we thought we could be for the wrong people, decided to stop being our “best,” and become the worst as a defense mechanism. After all no one appreciates the nice girl, they just like to walk all over them (please note: sarcasm); and if that’s the price of nice why would we ever want to be soft and vulnerable again? But in order to level up and stop being a fuckboi magnet you have to take responsibility for the Desperate Housewife role you played, start being honest about what you want, and accept nothing less.
Then when you begin to attract the kind of people you’ve prayed for do NOT approach them as you would said fuckbois. This is a hard one because you don’t want to be naive or gullible but you also don’t want to live in a place of fear either. If you claim you’ve grown, love yourself more, and want the best for your life then you may not continue to look for the negative in everyone and everything. You may not do the things you did to others to test their tolerance for you. People only see you how you see yourself. If you believe you are annoying, doubtful or underserving of love that’s most likely how you’ll act and be treated.
Some signs you might need Post fuckboi therapy:
When you’re unfamiliar or untrusting of nice behavior so you look for ways to pull the fuckboi to the surface.
You expect the worst and for someone to disappoint or lie to you.
You enter every situation with one foot already out the door.
You’re highly sensitive and ready to block, ignore, or cuss because you think everyone is disposable.
You’re negative, fearful or doubtful about if someone actually likes you.
There’s obviously more but I’ll just end this by saying you’re not healed if you are still bracing for the worst from the Universe. You must believe this world is yours and provides all that you need, and that anyone who doesn’t appreciate you must take the L and deal with it on their own. Love yourself more than anyone else, find healthy ways to make yourself happy, and know what you want out of life and anyone in it. Set standards of how you need to be treated in order to keep your soul happy (not your ego) and cut those who don’t strive to reach them or align with you.
You don’t have to listen to me, as I am super single, but feel free to evolve with me!
(This is dedicated to my girls on Insecure, Molly The Mistress and Tasha the Bank Teller)